Lots of sad little poetry fragments there lately, yeah. Many unpublished. I’m not doing too well… Where even to begin?
So many emotions bursting at the seams. Bittersweet sorrows, unrequited love, heartbreak like I never thought possible. I’m a mass of confused demons each pulling in every directions, dark thoughts mixed with elation, the most wonderful love for a most wonderful person who cannot return the feeling, a terrible abyss of loneliness and despair lined with the tiniest sliver of hope that this is not all for nothing….
Was it all for nothing?
When I started this journey, I knew the bargain and accepted it freely, but it feels insurmountable sometimes to reach a point where a relationship might be on the table again. I struggle so much to accept my current situation, because how likely it is that I will strike gold a third time? Find a soul as beautiful and precious as theirs, who ALSO wants me? It feels like such a ludicrous pipe dream I can’t even take it seriously. Such optimism feels borderline insulting.
And I am devastated by this. Truly, utterly heartbroken. Right person wrong time is just a fancy way of saying wrong person, and the cruel clarity of it makes me profoundly miserable.
Yes, I do therapy. But some days you just need to vent into the void.