Hey girl, it’s me again
Always thinking too much,
Always afraid to overstep
Wondering about that leap of faith
And we seem to have it good
Around you I feel alive again
But I can’t see what’s on the road
What’s next lies behind a curtain
All the banter and no pushback
Still I’m never sure if you like me back
Sometimes curled up I let my mind wander
But then I call it back, too afraid it’s a goner
I thought such fears were in the past
I’d given up, that die was cast
I thought l’d never get another chance at this
Life was always less hit and more miss
But here I am, butterflies in my head
Wondering if fate is really this kind
Doubting the truth of what I see
Wondering
If you really like me

Shifting lines in the sand
Of love and intimacy
Ebbing and flowing
Never really settling
Heart lost in idiosyncrasy
Everything ahead a foreign land
An unraveled strand
Of misleading intricacy
I’m blind but tottering
With an inkling
I will find mercy
By your hand

The heartbreaks
The pains
The failures of life
I call them my Kintsugi moments
I pick up the pieces of me
That are broken
Put them back together
Lovingly
And paint the cracks with gold
Its light shimmers
And guides my way forward
Always brighter

She hits me
Like a wall of bricks
The weight of a thousand unearned expectations
Drags me down
Into the deep
What is it now, the face, the eyes
The skin, the everything,
And anything in between
The harshest critic
The mother of all bullies
Unwelcome
Yet ever present
In an instant changing
From shadow to red hot pincers
dissecting my soul
She knows me well
This relentless foe
Knows my fears
And secrets
And dreams
For she is me
The darkest me
My dysphoria

I act like I don’t care
As the insults sting
I act like I don’t care
As you deny my humanity
I act like I don’t care
As you sneer and mock
I act like I don’t care
Because giving you reactions
Would fuel the fire
Because biting back
Is what you expect
Because you prod and provoke
And see me as lesser than you
I act like I don’t care
Swallowing back tears
Knuckles white
Showing nothing of the rage inside
I act like I don’t care
To deny you this satisfaction
But I do
And while your hate hurts
It hurts a thousand times more
That in my weakest moments
I believe you