No one
No one’s first thought in the morning
No one’s good morning text
No one’s “tell me about your day”
No one’s “this made me think of you”
No one’s “welcome home”
No one’s “I love you”
No one to fill the void
No one’s someone
Invisible
Broken
Alone
Watching the sea erase
My footprints in the sand
Til not a trace remains
That I was ever here
But there’s no one
To notice

how is it that three little words can make a heart feel so big
yet make a soul feel so small
a cry for connections impossible
unanswered prayers lost in the depths
though the heart stays afloat, fighting against the current
pretending to swim as it tries not to drown
elated yet crushed at the same time
wondering why it keeps bidding for attention
desperate compulsion born of desperate thoughts
three little words that carry so much weight
but they’re so deep inside it can’t be freed
dark waters rise under the shadow of an indifferent moon
and the cold light of distant stars
the heart feels
but the soul knows
and pain overcomes everything
until my feet touch the bottom
and I can finally stand and breathe
on Lethe’s shore, the final crossing
forgetting everything and everyone
forgetting these three words
even existed
maybe then, peace

Alma rebelde
Y salvaje
Que se libra
De cualquier jaula
Alma bella
Y brillante
Que ilumina
El más oscuro de los días
Ojos que reflejan el mundo
Con sed de horizontes lejanos
Anhelo de tierras desconocidas
Alegría del movimiento perpetuo
Sin anclajes
Solo quizá, un hilo
Invisible y delicado
Que te di como Ariadna
Confiando en que no lo soltarías
Un hilo precioso y frágil
Uniendo nuestras almas
Mientras espero tu regreso
Pajarito salvaje
No seré nunca jaula ni anclaje
Sino nido, abierto y cálido
Un refugio seguro
Siempre que quieras descansar

Thoughts racing
Like windmills
Heart rushing through,
Don Quixote under spell
Brain, a futile Sancho
Trying to bring it to reason
Dry plains under a harsh sun
Dreaming a promise of rain
A Summer marked by falls
A Fall that begins with standing up again
Picking up the pieces
The endless cycle
This is not the end
Just a new beginning
Again,
And again,
And again…

Hey girl, it’s me again
Always thinking too much,
Always afraid to overstep
Wondering about that leap of faith
And we seem to have it good
Around you I feel alive again
But I can’t see what’s on the road
What’s next lies behind a curtain
All the banter and no pushback
Still I’m never sure if you like me back
Sometimes curled up I let my mind wander
But then I call it back, too afraid it’s a goner
I thought such fears were in the past
I’d given up, that die was cast
I thought l’d never get another chance at this
Life was always less hit and more miss
But here I am, butterflies in my head
Wondering if fate is really this kind
Doubting the truth of what I see
Wondering
If you really like me

Shifting lines in the sand
Of love and intimacy
Ebbing and flowing
Never really settling
Heart lost in idiosyncrasy
Everything ahead a foreign land
An unraveled strand
Of misleading intricacy
I’m blind but tottering
With an inkling
I will find mercy
By your hand

The heartbreaks
The pains
The failures of life
I call them my Kintsugi moments
I pick up the pieces of me
That are broken
Put them back together
Lovingly
And paint the cracks with gold
Its light shimmers
And guides my way forward
Always brighter

She hits me
Like a wall of bricks
The weight of a thousand unearned expectations
Drags me down
Into the deep
What is it now, the face, the eyes
The skin, the everything,
And anything in between
The harshest critic
The mother of all bullies
Unwelcome
Yet ever present
In an instant changing
From shadow to red hot pincers
dissecting my soul
She knows me well
This relentless foe
Knows my fears
And secrets
And dreams
For she is me
The darkest me
My dysphoria