Archive for the ‘transgender’ Category

Year Three: Completed

Friday, November 15th, 2024

Three years ago today, I started a journey. Who knew a couple of pills could be so daunting? Taking them for the first time was without a doubt the bravest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

Two years ago, I told the world. I braced for consequences… and received nothing but love and acceptance. I am very fortunate in this regards. Not all of us have this chance.

And last year, I realised something was missing to go full circle. If 2024 could be summed up in two words, they would be “growing pains“. But if it could be summed up in one word, it would be “growing“.

This year was a year of the lowest lows and the highest highs. It was a year of smashing comfort zones and going farther than ever before. It was a year of firsts, a year of Pride, a year of friendships. A year of recovery too, and healing, and rebuilding foundations.

My heart is full of joy and gratefulness today for all the old and new friends who supported and uplifted me in this journey. One in particular stands out for bringing into my life so much light, and inspiration, and warmth. Thank you dearest I. for your unwavering kindness and your indomitable spirit, and for helping me through the worst days. To count you as my friend is truly a gift, and I am eternally thankful for it.

My gratitude also goes to many more, I can’t list everyone who made a difference, because they all did.

The fourth year begins now. They say struggles prepare you for the great things coming your way. If that’s the case, I can’t wait to see what 2025 is going to bring.

I’m Rachel, and I’m here to fucking stay.

Take care, loves ❤️ We got this.

xo
Chel

💔

Wednesday, August 7th, 2024

I knew what I was getting into when I started. I knew what I would be losing.

But fuck. I didn’t expect it would hurt so godamn much.

Year of firsts

Saturday, July 20th, 2024

After a first stand up show, then a first public performance in a big band (albeit a chaotic one) with the alto sax that I hadn’t played in at least a year… here’s me dressed all fem outside the flat, going to Pride and ON A FREAKING FLOAT. A nerve-wracking triple first that went amazingly well. What a day!

This year has definitely seen me smash those comfort zones…

30 months

Wednesday, May 15th, 2024

Today marks 30 months on HRT 💜 The past 2.5 years have seen so much personal growth, and yet in many ways I’m still at the beginning of my journey… 2024 is definitely shaping up to be a year of rediscovery and rebuilding one’s sense of self. I’m aiming towards reaching my 3rd anniversary with newfound social confidence, making new friendships, and who knows, if I’m very lucky, maybe more…

I won’t post any timeline selfie today because emotions run a tad too high and I’m a bit of a mess, but deep down the spirit is there.

Love,
Chel.

It’s never too late

Wednesday, November 15th, 2023

As we reach the middle of this Transgender Awareness Week, today marks two anniversaries: two years since I started transitioning and one year since I came out socially. To say that I was fortunate would be a vast understatement: the reactions from my family, friends and colleagues have been and continue to be overwhelmingly positive, and my now-not-so-new job (another one year anniversary!) has been incredibly supportive and kind.

Even though I regained the pounds I lost during that first year (I’m working on it okay?), I have never felt so in tune with my body and my feelings. Everything feels “right”. I won’t say there are no ups and downs, no moments of doubt, no occasional dip into darkness… but I increasingly come out of these stronger and more determined to stay the course, because I know it’s the correct one. I look in the mirror now and I see me, the real me, no longer a glimpse from the corner of my eye, but real and defiant and looking back, as if to ask what’s next.

What’s next? I don’t know. But the journey so far has been profoundly validating and meaningful, and joyful too. And to be able to share this joy and validation, and my deep gratitude, during this week, is a privilege.

Thank you to all my family, friends, colleagues and allies who supported me, and support the community, in these uncertain years. You make a difference.

It’s never too late to be yourself.

Love,
Chel

And the chrysalis opened…

Tuesday, November 1st, 2022

So the secret’s out, at long last! No, this is not a joke. The time has finally come for the world to know.

My name is Rachel, I’m transgender. I have been quietly working on transitioning for several months now. What does this mean? It means that, while I was born with a boy’s body, I have always felt like a girl wearing an ill-fitting “boy-suit”. This is something that I’ve been feeling on some level for my entire life, even though it took me until my late 30s to realize what those feelings meant.

I won’t go into the details of transition, but starting HRT last year was a like a fog lifting after a dark night. It was as if I could suddenly see everything in a bright, clear new light. See in full, bright colors, after years of grey. I suddenly cared about my body and what I put into it, about my health, and appearance… I’m happier in my own skin now than I have ever been.

What does this mean going forward? Well, to start with, there will be the obvious adjustments in names and pronouns when talking to/referring to me. My name is Rachel Louise Relat. You can call me Rachel or just Chel, feel free to find whatever is most comfortable and easiest for you to adjust to. My pronouns are she/her.

Other than that, I’m pretty much the same person I’ve always been, just happier and more open about myself. I still like writing and photography and video games and reading and old planes and sailing. I’m still working on the Uncertain War trilogy and on the third book in the Ascalon series (and way behind schedule on both!). I’ll need a bit of time to get the listings updated on Amazon and I haven’t quite decided if I’m keeping the site as is or if I’ll change it, but that’s about the only small delays I can foresee…

Most of all, I’m glad to finally have this out in the open so I can start 2023 as myself!

If you got this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. If you want to find out more about Trans people in general, check out this website http://transwhat.org/confused/, or feel free to ask me!

Love

Chel.

The Prince

Saturday, September 24th, 2022

 

What an absolute blast it was to be this evening at the Southwark Playhouse in London to see The Prince by Abigail Thorn (of Philosophy Tube fame). It’s clever and weird and witty and oh so funny, folks, it’s been a delight from start to finish. Congratulations to Abigail and her fellow cast members and crew, and thank you for a thoroughly unforgettable performance. 💜👏

Mini-review: The Matrix: Resurrections

Sunday, January 9th, 2022

I just came back from watching The Matrix: Resurrections a second time, and while the first impression was somewhat positive but confused, this second viewing made me appreciate the film a lot more. Resurrections is beautifully earnest about what it sets to do, and what that is is simply, like the first one, Lana Wachowski’s expression of her life experience through her art.

(Also, right off the bat, I just loved how familiar faces kept appearing one after the other. There are so many Sense8 actors in there it was like watching a cast reunion, and as a fan I was just super happy to see that. I’m also 99% convinced that the key shop is not just a reference to the Keymaker, it looked exactly like Wolfgang and Felix’s shop!)

After two sequels that were kind of okay but mainly kind of a letdown, Resurrections is a sublimation of the original trilogy. It takes their themes and distillates them through the lens of the last 20 years. It is unapologetically Lana’s Matrix: a sequel that neither sisters wanted to make originally, but when it became inevitable, one that she had to make herself to keep control of her story, of her narrative. Because these movies are (or at least, started from) fundamentally autobiographical allegories, it would have been unthinkable to relinquish this control to a studio. That’s where the whole hyper-meta first act comes from, with its continuous self-reference that is always just shy of breaking the fourth wall.

(Caution: what follows contains spoilers)

It’s no wonder that reflections and mirrors come back as crucial tools and visual cues to navigate between the Matrix and the “real world”. Self-image and representation were always at the heart of the first Matrix movie, and this theme comes full circle here again with the added emotional maturity of a person who’s lived through transition and can look back at what was. Both Neo and Trinity know what they look like, but what the world sees is a completely different person. And eventually, it is no longer “Thomas Anderson” coming out, as the metro barrels down towards him, shouting “My name is Neo” in a defiant, yet almost intimate act of self-acceptance. It is “Tiffany” who instead asserts her true identity publicly and becomes empowered: “My name is Trinity,” she says, and indeed she always was, and nothing her family or society could say or do would change that. It’s not an accident that 20 years later, Trinity, not Neo, has become the One.

The Matrix universe can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people, and that’s okay. For me, I don’t think you can really dissociate the art from the artist when the art is rooted is such personal life experiences. Resurrections upends the blue pill/red pill binary, because as Bugs say, such a binary solution was always an illusion. Forget about spoons, there is no choice: deep inside, in your heart, you know what you should do to stay true to yourself, and doing anything else would be a betrayal.

All in all, I find Resurrections to be a perfect bookend to the story the Wachowskis started in 1999. It’s not without flaws, the meta stuff in the first third was almost a tad too much, the fight scenes are not as clean or memorable as before (although the Analyst subverting bullet time was pretty neat), and I found the Merovingian cameo to be gratuitous. But the film works despite these flaws, because deep down there is so much love for the characters, and so much earnestness in the tale of their literal resurrection, that it’s impossible for me not to like it.

It’s a leap of faith, and when you find in yourself the courage to take the step… at that moment, that’s when you are, finally, free.

4.8/5

TDOR – In Memoriam

Friday, November 20th, 2020

Today is the International Transgender Day of Remembrance, an event that raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgender people. Sadly, 2020 is on track to be one of the deadliest in recent years for the transgender and gender non-conforming community.

“Transgender Day of Remembrance seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence. I am no stranger to the need to fight for our rights, and the right to simply exist is first and foremost. With so many seeking to erase transgender people — sometimes in the most brutal ways possible — it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice.”
– Transgender Day of Remembrance founder Gwendolyn Ann Smith