TDoV

2025.03.31

When I go out
Visibly fem
Visibly queer
I don’t care that you clock me
I don’t do it so you can side-eye and sneer
I don’t do it so you can wonder
what’s in my pants or who I sleep with
I don’t do it to turn your kids gay or trans
I do it for my queer siblings still closeted
I do it for our queer kids who are growing up afraid
in a world hostile to them
I do it so they know that I’m here for them
That I got their back
And there is hope and love and community
Even when the world tells you there isn’t
I’m telling them “you’re safe with me”

And if it bothers you?
Kindly go fuck yourself
And get out of my way

#transdayofvisibility 🏳️‍⚧️

2025, the year I look like ME

2025.01.18

In one of these “invest in yourself” kind of things, back in December I (finally!) booked a makeup class to learn how to do it from a professional.

That class was today. And OH MY GOD.

The gender euphoria is strong with this one! I finally feel like I look like ME. I’m incredibly happy with this and very excited about practicing all the techniques I learned today!

And go visit the wonderful Mari Cornejo’s Instagram, she’s a true gem.

show number 3 was EPIC

2024.12.04

I bought this top from Shein close to six years ago (hey shut up Shein was great for a closeted trans girl trying out things) and until tonight I had never worn it out of the house. And a lot of the compliments I got throughout the evening were about how good it looked on me, which yeah, not disagreeing 😜 💅

But on a seriouser note, another lot of compliments was about my set and I’m so very happy about that. Talking about and sharing my trans experience on stage in a standup comedy setting is a great way for me to feel like I do my part, as small as it is, to bring my community to the light and bring out awareness with laughter and good vibes.

The crowd last night was amazing. All the comedians were brilliant. And the atmosphere was absolutely fucking incredible, full of joy and allyship and love. With everything that’s happening in the world from the US to the UK to France to even Spain now, last night was validating as fuck, not just as a comedian or a transgender woman, but as a human being. And I felt so good today, you guys. So good. After weeks of depression, it’s a breath of fresh air and I needed this, so much.

Thank you AtoMIC Comedy Barcelona for nurturing this safe space for women and LGBTQIA+ comedians in Barcelona ❤️❤️❤️ This AtoMIC baby is very grateful.

Year Three: Completed

2024.11.15

Three years ago today, I started a journey. Who knew a couple of pills could be so daunting? Taking them for the first time was without a doubt the bravest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

Two years ago, I told the world. I braced for consequences… and received nothing but love and acceptance. I am very fortunate in this regards. Not all of us have this chance.

And last year, I realised something was missing to go full circle. If 2024 could be summed up in two words, they would be “growing pains“. But if it could be summed up in one word, it would be “growing“.

This year was a year of the lowest lows and the highest highs. It was a year of smashing comfort zones and going farther than ever before. It was a year of firsts, a year of Pride, a year of friendships. A year of recovery too, and healing, and rebuilding foundations.

My heart is full of joy and gratefulness today for all the old and new friends who supported and uplifted me in this journey. One in particular stands out for bringing into my life so much light, and inspiration, and warmth. Thank you dearest I. for your unwavering kindness and your indomitable spirit, and for helping me through the worst days. To count you as my friend is truly a gift, and I am eternally thankful for it.

My gratitude also goes to many more, I can’t list everyone who made a difference, because they all did.

The fourth year begins now. They say struggles prepare you for the great things coming your way. If that’s the case, I can’t wait to see what 2025 is going to bring.

I’m Rachel, and I’m here to fucking stay.

Take care, loves ❤️ We got this.

xo
Chel

💔

2024.08.07

I knew what I was getting into when I started. I knew what I would be losing.

But fuck. I didn’t expect it would hurt so godamn much.

Year of firsts

2024.07.20

After a first stand up show, then a first public performance in a big band (albeit a chaotic one) with the alto sax that I hadn’t played in at least a year… here’s me dressed all fem outside the flat, going to Pride and ON A FREAKING FLOAT. A nerve-wracking triple first that went amazingly well. What a day!

This year has definitely seen me smash those comfort zones…

30 months

2024.05.15

Today marks 30 months on HRT 💜 The past 2.5 years have seen so much personal growth, and yet in many ways I’m still at the beginning of my journey… 2024 is definitely shaping up to be a year of rediscovery and rebuilding one’s sense of self. I’m aiming towards reaching my 3rd anniversary with newfound social confidence, making new friendships, and who knows, if I’m very lucky, maybe more…

I won’t post any timeline selfie today because emotions run a tad too high and I’m a bit of a mess, but deep down the spirit is there.

Love,
Chel.

It’s never too late

2023.11.15

As we reach the middle of this Transgender Awareness Week, today marks two anniversaries: two years since I started transitioning and one year since I came out socially. To say that I was fortunate would be a vast understatement: the reactions from my family, friends and colleagues have been and continue to be overwhelmingly positive, and my now-not-so-new job (another one year anniversary!) has been incredibly supportive and kind.

Even though I regained the pounds I lost during that first year (I’m working on it okay?), I have never felt so in tune with my body and my feelings. Everything feels “right”. I won’t say there are no ups and downs, no moments of doubt, no occasional dip into darkness… but I increasingly come out of these stronger and more determined to stay the course, because I know it’s the correct one. I look in the mirror now and I see me, the real me, no longer a glimpse from the corner of my eye, but real and defiant and looking back, as if to ask what’s next.

What’s next? I don’t know. But the journey so far has been profoundly validating and meaningful, and joyful too. And to be able to share this joy and validation, and my deep gratitude, during this week, is a privilege.

Thank you to all my family, friends, colleagues and allies who supported me, and support the community, in these uncertain years. You make a difference.

It’s never too late to be yourself.

Love,
Chel

And the chrysalis opened…

2022.11.01

So the secret’s out, at long last! No, this is not a joke. The time has finally come for the world to know.

My name is Rachel, I’m transgender. I have been quietly working on transitioning for several months now. What does this mean? It means that, while I was born with a boy’s body, I have always felt like a girl wearing an ill-fitting “boy-suit”. This is something that I’ve been feeling on some level for my entire life, even though it took me until my late 30s to realize what those feelings meant.

I won’t go into the details of transition, but starting HRT last year was a like a fog lifting after a dark night. It was as if I could suddenly see everything in a bright, clear new light. See in full, bright colors, after years of grey. I suddenly cared about my body and what I put into it, about my health, and appearance… I’m happier in my own skin now than I have ever been.

What does this mean going forward? Well, to start with, there will be the obvious adjustments in names and pronouns when talking to/referring to me. My name is Rachel Louise Relat. You can call me Rachel or just Chel, feel free to find whatever is most comfortable and easiest for you to adjust to. My pronouns are she/her.

Other than that, I’m pretty much the same person I’ve always been, just happier and more open about myself. I still like writing and photography and video games and reading and old planes and sailing. I’m still working on the Uncertain War trilogy and on the third book in the Ascalon series (and way behind schedule on both!). I’ll need a bit of time to get the listings updated on Amazon and I haven’t quite decided if I’m keeping the site as is or if I’ll change it, but that’s about the only small delays I can foresee…

Most of all, I’m glad to finally have this out in the open so I can start 2023 as myself!

If you got this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. If you want to find out more about Trans people in general, check out this website http://transwhat.org/confused/, or feel free to ask me!

Love

Chel.

The Prince

2022.09.24

 

What an absolute blast it was to be this evening at the Southwark Playhouse in London to see The Prince by Abigail Thorn (of Philosophy Tube fame). It’s clever and weird and witty and oh so funny, folks, it’s been a delight from start to finish. Congratulations to Abigail and her fellow cast members and crew, and thank you for a thoroughly unforgettable performance. 💜👏